Tangled Game of Love
Ahh! ‘Tangled Game of Love’ is out now! It’s a different vibe from my first track: same girl, different flex.
It’ll all make sense once I drop the EP, but ‘til then, I’ll tease you with this. Thank you so much for listening and sharing and for all your love so far. I’m constantly humbled by how much has happened over the past few years, and how quickly everything seems to be unravelling over the past few months. I’m so happy and grateful. My life’s a game of “work hard, play hard, repeat,” and ‘Tangled’ is one of its sweet manifestations.
‘Tangled Game of Love’ is a song I wish I could’ve written earlier in my life. I used to be someone who got tangled in unhealthy, unbalanced relationships. I didn’t grow up with particularly healthy representations of relationships, so I naturally I repeated destructive patterns that I saw around me. I placed other people’s needs before my own, I felt like I wasn’t enough, and I was 100% a people pleaser, craving affection and acceptance. I also felt like I could ‘save’ the other person if I just gave them chance after chance… Save them from what? Themselves? I was so caught up in other people, unknowingly distracting myself from my own hot mess, I drained my energy and was a typical co-dependent. Relate much?
I remember breaking up with an ex, for the nth time, and feeling so broken. I remember crying in the bathroom and seeing my reflection in the mirror, thinking: “Baby girl, why are you putting yourself through this?” I felt caught up in a tug of war and felt like a yo-yo – like I could be picked up and dropped, again and again, without any sense of control.
What I’ve learnt over the years is to, firstly, accept that I was a hot mess. I then learnt to get quiet with myself, to learn to feel more comfortable in the silence. I then caught myself overthinking and heard the heavy, negative spiral I was in. So, I started to practise meditation, patiently and persistently observing thoughts come and go. I started to recognise my thought patterns and started to make choices that steered me towards valuing my needs first. I’ve always danced and enjoyed working-out, but last year I felt like I needed to step things up – so, I started boxing.
“I’m done with this loosing streak,/ Done crying and feeling weak,/ I’m not accepting defeat.”
In the studio I channelled my inner boss b*tch and left on a high. I felt defiant. I felt strong. I wish I could’ve written ‘Tangled…’ earlier in my life, but I’m so happy it’s out now and that so many of you are connecting with it. It’s about time we all reclaimed our own lives, especially when it comes down to the relationships that we choose to have in our lives.
Structurally, ‘Tangled Game of Love’ is literally the heart of my EP – it’s placed in the middle of the overall track list, as it represents the shift in my mentality from passive to active. The first half of the EP is tainted with shame and guilt as I begin to explore a sense of abandonment, and the second half moves towards a more forgiving, affirming and liberated space in both tone and lyricism. With ‘Tangled’, the whole structure evokes a game – “You lost, who’s next?” It’s upbeat, light and fun. Future soul: a fusion of RnB vocals and electric pop rock.
To everyone who’s been involved with the creative process of ‘Tangled…’, Kio, Kaz, Likkle J, and Sam: thank you. Thank you for your musical influence, your energy and love. A special shout out to Likkle J – this rare gem of a female producer. A 2018 study found that less than 2% of music producers working today are women, with no current statistics available specifically breaking down the number of black, Asian and minority ethnic (BAME) and/or working class women in the music spaces.
We’re reclaiming space out here, and it feels amazing. Listen to ‘Tangled Game of Love’, out now!
It’s all within you x
